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Jokes For Grandparents


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#1 Marine59

Marine59

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Posted 29 August 2010 - 07:51 PM

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1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under
the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd
done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and
started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you
forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never
put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper
good-bye....


2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy
Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.
My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,
"Did you start at 1?"


3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother
changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to
wash her hair.. As she heard the children getting more and
more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she
threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the
room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what
her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside
on a pond I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a
tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild
raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed,
taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to
know you sooner!"


5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
"Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I
mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we
alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.


6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her
grandfather's word processor. She told him she was
writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."


7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her
colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out
something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and
was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At
last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think
you should try to figure out some of these, yourself!"


8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,
we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from
attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.
Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa.
Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."


9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly
replied, "I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says
I'm 4 to 6."


10. A second grader came home from school and said to her
grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to
make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little
surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said,
"how do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add
'es'."


11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a
public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote:
"The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The
teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't
you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means
carrying a child."


12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to
their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close.."They use
the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."


13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.
"Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want
her, we just go get her.. Then, when we're done having her
visit, we take her back to the airport."


14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good
good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart
as him!


15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you
hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.
Semper Fi





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